inner gremlin

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Keeping your Self Love high during the toughest time of the year

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Self Esteem is a word I've never liked.

Ok I LOATHE it. The Stuart Smalley-esq weak connotation of the phrase has always made my skin crawl- to the point where it kept me from admitting that I had some symptoms of low self esteem- or at least the books on the subject spoke directly to me.

Thanks to Jenny Blake's coining of the terms "Inner Gremlin," I now have useable vocabulary to address the phenomenon that so many of my clients and I share in the twists and turns of this human experience..

And Here's The Fun News:

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I am really starting to love myself!

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Amid all of the manic to-dos and busy bee buzzing I had this beautiful thought just now- "I am really starting to celebrate and appreciate who I am!"

Take that mean voice. 

That's right, after years of kicking my own ass up and down the street regardless of how fast I ran, how much I got done, how many people 

I kept happy, I am starting to realize that even 1/3 of that effort would be enough! I'm allowed to feel good & enjoy this ride!

Geez... about time.

With this self love, appreciation of effort, and celebration of small victories comes another revelation: I may actually give myself permission to be happy. Permission to enjoy this ride without all of the exhaustion, sprinting, punishment, binging for relief, and fear of imperfection. I get to be happy without getting anywhere near perfect- AND THAT'S EVEN BETTER!

I get to pick a few things that are important to me right now, commit to them, and revise the list whenever it suits. I get to laugh when I fall and hope that someone else saw so they get a good chuckle too.

I get to enjoy the parts each phase of life has. I get to use my body and brain. I get to feel pretty in lots of different ways. I get to brighten others days and appreciate the little yummy treats like the bike guys smile. I get to be happy. 

Anytime I want to be happy, I get to count my blessings, celebrate my recent efforts, and notice how I've shown up or been kind recently. I can slow my breath, dance in my living room, organize a closet, watch a funny show, do 15 pushups, sing in the shower, get a massage, give a smile and bring myself right back to the open, happy, loving space where we are all one and I get to feel good just as I am in this moment with bright future choices yet to be revealed..